Decisions
by ShadowFury12
Summary: I had hated you for years. But will this hate guide my sword? Will this hate end your life?[oneshot:songfic:spoilers]


Yes, I know, I am Simple Plan obsessed. I just love their music, so don't hold it against me. : ) Anyways, this song is "Perfect" (not mine), and it's between the two FF10 characters, Tidus and Jecht.

* * *

**Hey, dad, look at me **

**Think back and talk to me.**

You were supposed to be my father. The one who watches out for me, protects me, loves me. But you weren't.

**Did I grow up according to plan?**

You were the world-renowned Blitzball star, and I was just your son. A crybaby. A runt. A young boy that would become nothing, just what I was when I was a child.

A joke.

**Do you think I'm wasting my time,**

**Doing things I want to do?**

But look at me now. A guardian. Did you ever think I would ever make it this far? Did you ever think I would ever become anything?

Did you ever think about me?

**'Cuz it hurts when you disapprove all along.**

…Did you ever care?

**And now I try hard to make it,**

**I just want to make you proud.**

…It makes me wonder. Did you ever believe in me? Did you ever think I could be anything more than just a young kid that follows you around? Did you ever have faith that I could become something bigger, something better, more that just what you saw me as then?

Did you ever think?

**I'm never gonna be good enough for you**

Your mocks and jeers held me back. I was too scared to venture out, to try something more, for fear that you would be there, there with your usual sneer.

**I can't stand another fight,**

**But nothing's all right.**

Then you disappear, never to return. At first I was timid, waiting to turn the next corner and see you there. Then I began to realize the truth and was relieved, then joyous.

But years later, as I thought back, about you, I began to wonder.

Did I miss you?

**'Cuz we lost it all**

**Nothing lasts forever,**

It didn't matter if I missed you. You were gone. Dead. Erased from my life. I was free of you.

But still, when I think about you, a faint flicker of remorse twinges inside of me. Soon I learn to ignore it. It's nothing. But it still makes me think.

_Did I miss you?_

**I'm sorry,**

**I can't be**

**perfect.**

One night, while the others slept, I wandered away. I looked across Zanarkand, the ruins of where I once lived, grew, with you… And it still makes me wonder. What would have happened if you stayed? If you were still in Zanarkand? Would I still be there? Would I ever have met Yuna?

**Now it's just to late,**

**And we can't go back**

…Would you ever have become Sin?

**I'm sorry,**

**I can't be **

**perfect.**

You want me to come for you. To slay you. To end your misery. For years before, I would have happily been rid of you. Now I think about it and am hesitant. It is not your fault…is it?

Yes. It is. _You _were the cruel one. _You _were the one who mocked me. _You _were the one who forgot to care…

**I try not to think about the pain I feel inside**

**Did you know you used to be my hero?**

…But is that right? Is that really the truth? Is it truly your fault? Where you destined to become Sin?

When I was young I watched you with awe. I was still a distance away, out of sight, but your skill and power amazed me. But now I look at you, the beast that kills so many innocent people, and I…I pity you.

**All the days you spent with me now seem so far away.**

**And it feels like you don't care anymore.**

Pity? Is that truly what I feel? Yes. No anger. No hate. No wrath. Just sympathy.

**And now I try hard to make it, **

**I just want to make you proud,**

**I'm never gonna be good enough for you.**

But I should not feel this way. I should feel rage. You killed so many others, you mercilessly destroyed so many villages, caused so much pain, so much suffering…

**I can't stand another fight,**

**And nothing's alright**

Yet all I feel is pity. You are locked in that body that can only cause destruction, after being sent to destroy it. Is it your fault?

**Nothing's gonna change the things that you said.**

No. But can I still help you? After all the things you said back on Zanarkand? Could I possibly come to your aid, do what you want, after all those years?

**And nothings gonna make this right again.**

I remember how I felt. Pained, lost, as if I would never be anything. That was all provoked by you.

**Please don't turn your back,**

**I can't believe it's hard just to talk to you**

**'Cuz you don't understand.**

As we walk through Zanarkand, through the ruins and rubble, I question whether I could bring myself to do what I am planning, even after your cruel words and actions. Could I possibly find a way to kill you?

**'Cuz we lost it all, **

**Nothing lasts forever**

Then my gaze falls upon Yuna and the others. They count on me to help. I will have to. I will have to find a way to do what I am about to…

**I'm sorry,**

**I can't be**

**Perfect.**

But then Yuna will die. All because of you, she will die. So I will have too losses. My old man, and…

**Now it's just to late,**

**And we can't go back**

I sigh and close my eyes, concentrating. I can't escape it. Sin must be stopped, even if it means doing the same to Jecht. It doesn't matter. That is what you want, right?

And is it what I want, too? Do I want to be rid of you forever? Something inside me says…yes…

**I'm sorry,**

**I can't be**

I am not ashamed to say it. It is the truth. I want to be free, without someone laughing at every little mistake. I don't want to be belittled for the rest of my life.

No matter how I get it.

**Perfect.

* * *

…okay, that one was a little hard. It gets a little slow there, so I apologize. Anyways, R&R, please.**


End file.
